To be someone
by Unnamed.in.whispers
Summary: Drabble that follows Jaime through his reunification with Brienne. Based on Season 6 episode 'No One' so make sure you're ready for spoilers! Written in the language of the show and books strong language!


Riverrun…

It belonged to the Freys now; it belonged to the Lannisters.

 _What was it all for in the end?_ Jaime wondered, _what was any of it for?_

The churning sound of armour in motion brought him back to the moment as he stood in solitary repose, gazing out over the water from the castle battlements.

"We've found the Blackfish, My Lord," the footman informed.

The news washed a strange relief through him as he wondered on how much he would impress on the stoic old goat that he had always intended to keep his word…

Jaime smiled; perhaps the old sod would even reconsider taking some of the Tully army north as Brienne had wished…

 _Brienne_... she would be content with this outcome…

Yes.

"Good," he commanded, "bring him to me."

"He died," the other man stated, not changing inflection, "fighting, My Lord."

 _Of course he did…_ Jaime thought. _Such a pointless waste._

He nodded for the soldier to leave and moved toward the castle wall to look out on all this had cost; a family home, a family name, a thin alliance in the river lands and the life of one of the few honourable men in the world.

But if the Blackfish was dead… where was Brienne?

Jamie looked beyond the castle and down the river, where a small boat made its way up-water and away.

The heaviness in his heart lifted the moment the moonlight hit and shone from the platinum hair and bright armour of the Maid of Tarth.

Quickly, Jaime checked he was alone in his witness; should the soldier spy their escape, he may raise the alarm to give chase before Jaime could retract it.

But he was alone…

And he relaxed, looking back in the direction he felt a pull toward…

She was safe and well and leaving him once more.

Then she turned in the boat to look straight at him.

 _As if she knows,_ he thought, _as if we are connected and she could sense me here, watching over her._

Could he let her go without acknowledgement after such a revelation?

Knowing he was alone, Jaime raised his golden hand; wanting to reach out to her and pull her back, wanting to take a seat beside her to join the quest. But his gesture turned into a sad goodbye that sank in his chest.

Goodbye to her and all she meant to him; the only person in the world who trusted his word. The only person whose eyes lit when he entered a room. The only person who made him feel what it was to be someone.

And he was waving her goodbye.

()()()

The Lannister camp besieging Riverrun seemed like the brightest place in the seven kingdoms to Jaime Lannister; nothing could bring him back to the coldness of war for that moment.

Brienne of Tarth strode away from his tent after threatening they may be forced to fight to the death for honour… and she meant it…

But she was back in his life; he hadn't thought to see her again so soon… or ever, if truth be told.

Things were already looking brighter.

He was aware of Bronn coming to stand by his side, but hardly looked his way in the wake of The Maid of Tarths departure.

"What a woman," Ser Sellsword breathed.

And, though he wasn't certain he approved of Bronn noticing Brienne in such a way, Jaime appreciated the awe in which she was held and sighed-in the moment…

"So," Bronn said sharply, "did you fuck her?"

Shock fuzzed his mind and Jaime blinked back the sensation.

That question…

Well…

No… he hadn't.

Had he wanted to?

Jaime angered and turned to Bronn and took a step closer to the amused looking man.

"She is a high-born lady," the Lannister hissed through his teeth, "you will show her respect."

Bronn's grin widened, "I'd show her more than that, given the chance."

In a flash, Jaime had gripped Bronn's throat in his left hand and bent the shocked sell-sword back over a near-by barrel of wine… "You watch your words…" he hissed.

"Never fear, M'Lord," Bronn wheezed with a widening smile. "You stand in the company of a further two willing souls; but M'Ladys choice will always be the bloody obvious."

Jaime felt all anger drain as he fought for understanding… "Obvious?" He asked, letting Bronn stand tall as he released his hold.

 _What's obvious?_ Jaime questioned.

The sell-sword rolled his eyes, "Clueless." Then he turned, "C'mon Pod…"

Podrick had been there?

As the other two men dredged through the quickly churning mud of the camp, Jaime continued to puzzle over the 'bloody obvious'.

He must have missed something.

But when Brienne had stridden into his tent only an hour ago, it had turned him upside-down; that stiff, unrelentingly moral way she had… so innocent and captivating... Gods, how he had missed her! She was a breath of cool air in the unrelenting heat of recent months.

Brienne knew how the world should be and she was young enough to still believe light overcame darkness in the wretched, cruel life.

Here she was… proving Jaime's scepticism wrong and showing him there was a better way of being, a way to make the world a perfect place… and believing a man like him could find a place in such a world.

She had no idea how much that meant to him.

And more so… Brienne was telling him she had found Sansa… to restore his honour… as if anything could…

"I never thought you'd find her," Jaime admitted, "I had thought Sansa Stark was dead."

"Why would you assume that?"

 _Gods,_ he thought, _she hasn't changed. Still young and hopeful against the reality of the world._

He warmed, but explained, "In my experience, girls like her don't live very long."

"I don't think you know many girls like her," Brienne replied, a dangerous edge to her challenging tone.

It excited him… that much that nothing came to mind save the truth… "Well, I'm proud of you."

She looked shocked.

He supposed it was a surprise. It didn't make the confession any less true.

"I am," he confirmed, unwilling to rescind it in lieu of a half-insulting joke… in fact… "I am; you've fulfilled your oath to Catlyn Stark against all odds."

Briennes blue eyes turned downward; he'd embarrassed her and tried, desperately, to think of something else to say…

Jaime had to think of something; the silence was becoming awkward… and, not for the first time, he wished she would either curse him or kiss him…

His body reacted to the thought… _Damn it._

"Of course, my sister wants Sansa dead," he mused, wandering about the dining table in his captain's tent, trying to cool himself in movement. "The girl is still a suspect in Joffrey's murder," he reminded, "and so there is that… complication."

He'd rounded the desk now and was closer to her for doing so… hoping his body wouldn't betray him in their proximity.

Perhaps movement wasn't the best idea as he looked on her and noticed the down-turned eyes now met his with blue fire as whimsy brought them together…

Those eyes…

That stern look she bore…

"What the hell are you doing here?" He found himself asking… Surrendering… Hoping…

"I've come for the Blackfish," she replied without explanation.

The curt response was a shock of cold water and Jaime blinked into the unexpected bite… "You're welcome to have him," he replied, peevishly.

 _I'll be fucked if this was a coincidence,_ his insides screamed, _seems we are always destined to dance this way m'lady… so close and yet so far…_

"Lady Sansa desires to take her ancestral seat back from the Boltons and assume her rightful place as Lady of Winterfell," Brienne declared, as if the battles were won and she were reciting history.

 _Fuck,_ Jaime thought to himself… _she may yet get herself killed…_

"With what army does she plan on taking Winterfell?"

"The Tully army," Brienne replied, as though there were no other answer.

 _Of course…_ a wretched feeling crawled up his throat, _this will not end well._ "They're a bit occupied at the moment," the siege-lord pointed out… "I was sent here to reclaim Riverrun, currently defended by the Tully rebels… so you can see the conundrum."

She blinked and delivered a look that made him feel like a child, "The Tully's are rebels because they are fighting for their home."

"Riverrun was granted to the Freys," Jaime spouted, "by Royal decree."

"As a reward for betraying Rob Stark," she countered, her voice rising, "and slaughtering his family?"

"Exactly," he sounded, booming louder before noticing the abhorrent look on her face…

Briennes ocean eyes were wide with distain… and she was right… a reward for betrayal… the thought was sickening…

And he was shamed for defending such an action…

"We shouldn't argue about politics," he conceded, trying to put distance between them by pacing back behind the table.

"You're a Knight, Ser Jaime," Brienne maintained, "I know there is honour in you…"

Was she trying to shame him further…

Didn't she realise that was impossible?

Honour in him?

"I've seen it…" she affirmed.

"I'm a Lannister," he said with closed eyes… it was the first lesson his father had taught him and he grappled the words to his heart with Valerian steel… and the words were a plea.

Had he begged her just then?

That split second of realisation brought a splinter of questions… if he had begged her not to make him choose her or his family… that meant some part of him knew…

He would choose her…

And for the first time in his life, Jaime Lannister knew what it was to be naked before another person.

Certainly, he had borne his body before others; Brienne herself had seen his flesh in their shared bathing at Harrenhal and as she had tended him thereafter…

But this was true exposure.

His life unfurled before her and he asked her not to command him… Because, in that moment he would have stepped away from it all to do as she bid; no more and no less.

This woman commanded his heart and his mind.

Could she know that power?

"Don't ask me to betray my own house," the wretched thing he was beseeched her.

"I do no such thing," Brienne stepped forward, shining with valour.

And the world stopped spinning.

 _Even now she seeks to shield and protect me_ , he thought as he regarded her in all her splendour… the hero he had never been… sparkling in the dimness.

Still, as she mapped out her proposal to lead the Tully forces away and attain both their goals without bloodshed, Jaime found his head shaking…

If the world were the way it should be, Briennes plan would have worked… but it took one person to chance destiny…

"Have you ever met the Blackfish?"

"No."

Well, that explained her optimism! Jaime rolled his eyes, "He's even more stubborn than you are."

The jibe made her expression harden; she looked adorable!

He had to stop thinking like that…

"Alright!" He offered, "try to talk some sense into the old goat. He won't listen but his men might," Jaime had made his way back around the table as he concluded, "Not everybody wants to die for somebody else's home."

Brienne moved to face him, serious as ever and insisting, "I need your word."

His word?

No one in the whole land would make such a request in earnest.

His word; mocked by so many.

But her faith in his promise was one of the many reasons he felt a need for her.

"If I persuade him to abandon the castle," she continued, "you'll grant us safe passage north."

Of course… she had only to ask. "You have my word," he vowed, looking into her eyes.

It was worth the oath… that look in her eyes… the belief in him… made him ache…

So he confirmed, "You have until night-fall."

Which was fine, except she continued to look at him with those sapphire eyes of hers… wanting a kiss or a curse…

Until she moved and he felt his body jerk with a rush of blood as she yanked at her clothing.

What was happening?

Her belt unhooked… his heart fluttered…

Then he realised she was un-belting her sword…

 _Oh she wasn't._

Oathbreaker was angled at him as if she meant to return the gift.

It hurt as he stepped forward but couldn't reach out and take it.

"You gave it to me for a purpose," she explained as he eyed the sword and recalled how she had named it in honour of him…

A new swell rushed through him as he looked to her.

"I have achieved that purpose," she said, shaking the sword in her hand as though he may take it back.

But he would never dream of it.

Jaime was a Lannister and he had made his allegiances long before ever meeting this girl… there was nothing else he could offer her. He was old, tainted and tired while she was still young, innocent and vital.

Oathkeeper was a part of him she redeemed each time she wielded it. It was a symbol of all he could give her and

It was the only thing that mattered and he admitted, "It's yours…" and in so many ways he added, "It will always be yours."

If only things were not the way they were…

A part of himself curled in and wept as Brienne looked at him.

He was so scared in that moment… because of how he felt and how she felt…

Because she felt it too, didn't she?

She had to…

There was too much between them…

All that time they had spent together; all those days and nights tied to one another... and Harenhall…

It was true, she had been the only woman than made him hard other than Cersie.

And he knew many had tried.

He was the heir to a fortune, after all.

But she hadn't cared about that.

She cared about him.

And that was more than anyone in his life could boast.

So he had to say something, didn't he?

Had to tell her…

Or take her in his arms and…

Brienne turned and headed out of the tent.

 _Shit._

He followed, of course.

Perhaps he could think of something to say that would make her turn around and take a moment to reunite with him.

They had, after all, said so little… when they could have said so much.

Abruptly, she halted at the entrance to the tent… "One last thing," she said, looking sternly enticing, "Ser Jaime."

He smirked in amusement, she was always so polite… "Yes, Lady Brienne?"

"Should I fail to persuade the Blackfish to surrender, and if you attack the castle, honour compels me to fight for Sansa's kin."

"Of course it does," he smiled… because she would be the truest thing in the world, despite the lies in it.

Had Jaime honestly thought there might be an instant she would have propositioned him?

And he wanted her all the more in that moment.

Until she pointed out that they may be forced to meet one more time in mortal combat.

Brienne knew as she said it… he would die should it come to a battle between them… "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

And there it was again… that look they shared as the air became thick with want and longing…

So Brienne did all she could do…

She turned and walked away.

He hadn't even said goodbye.


End file.
